


All things Spencer

by Totheendsoftheearth



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Heavy Angst, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance, Rough Sex, Smut, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2018-08-10 19:25:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7858036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Totheendsoftheearth/pseuds/Totheendsoftheearth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Spencer one shots will be here :) hope you enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Why can't it be like that? 'cause I'm yours
> 
> "Why can't you hold me in the street?  
> Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?  
> I wish that it could be like that  
> Why can't we be like that? 'Cause I'm yours  
> Why can't I say that I'm in love?  
> I wanna shout it from the rooftops  
> I wish that it could be like that  
> Why can't we be like that? 'Cause I'm yours
> 
> I don't wanna live love this way  
> I don't wanna hide us away  
> I wonder if it ever will change  
> I'm living for that day, someday  
> When you hold me in the street  
> And you kiss me on the dance floor  
> I wish that we could be like that  
> Why can't we be like that? 'Cause I'm yours, I'm yours"
> 
> Little mix - secret love song (there's a part one and a part two I prefer part two)
> 
>  
> 
> You and Spencer have an intense romance, but it has been completely behind closed doors carried out in secret. He doesn't want your relationship to interfere with either of your role at the BAU. After you witness him dancing with someone at a charity ball held by the FBI, it comes to a head on the rooftop. You just want to be able to have a normal relationship. Why can't it be like that?
> 
> I have a version of this song for captain America Steve Rodgers x reader

Walking into Hotch's office you made sure to close the door behind you.

"Sit down Y/N. What can I do for you?" Aaron Hotchner didn't even look up from the paper work on his desk as he greeted you.

You didn't say anything as you gingerly placed a bit of paper in front of him. Picking it up his eyes flicked back and forth as he read it.

"Are you sure about this? This is what you really want to do?" He raised his eyebrow in concern for you.

You took a deep breath knowing there wouldn't be any turning back after you opened your mouth. 

"Yes. It is Sir. Please for the moment can we keep this between us though."

 

\--------- a month later ------

 

Sat at your dressing room table you looked in the mirror as you brushed your hair. Your hair, make up and clothes were done so you were all ready to go to the ball that had been organised in aid of various charities. You were sure it would be a lavish affair in mind of target rich guests to part with their money. A knock on the door interrupted your train of thought. Your ball gown swished and rustled as you got up to answer. You turned the door handle and smiled when you saw who was on the other side.

"Hey, can I come in?" Spencer Reid asked warmly with a cheeky grin.

"Of course you can." You stood aside as he entered the room and shut the door behind him.

You looked him up and down pleased with what you saw.

"Well Dr Reid don't you look handsome in that suit!" You beamed at him.

In the blink of an eye Spencer rushed at you. His arms found themselves wrapped round you and lips joined on to yours. Your lips locked in a fast and needy kiss. His tongue found yours and set a rhythm that you struggled to keep up with.

"You...look... stunning....Y/N." Spence finally managed to breathlessly get out between kisses.

You pressed your pelvis into his and giggled into Spencer's lips in response.

He groaned as he grinded into you briefly before pushing you away but holding both your hands still.

"No Y/N. We don't have time for this! Believe me though when I say I wish we did. So badly." He looked down into your eyes with a hungry glare.

You stuck your bottom lip out in an exaggerated sulk.

"Fine then! I'll remember that next time you come knocking on my door 11 o'clock at night with ideas. You better make it up to me."

"I'll knock your socks off Y/N. Like you wouldn't believe."

Your eyebrows turned down into an amused frown.

"Wow. You, are going to, let me get this straight knock my socks off? I've never had the socks knocked off me before, you will be my first sock knocking off."

"If you continue to mock me Y/N your socks will stay well and truly on. I just came to see you before we face the masses. Taxi is coming in 5 minutes to pick us up I'll meet you outside."

Spencer took a step forward again and gently kissed you on the lips. "You really do look stunning Y/N. You will be the envy of everyone in the room and the object of every males attention."

"What if I only want your attention Spence?" You said seriously and quietly face to face with him.

"Then I will come find you after the party if it's not to late. It's going to be killer watching you looking this good all night and not laying a hand on you. I have got to go now beautiful." Another quick peck and he was quickly out the door.

You sighed and finished getting ready to meet him outside . You wished more than anything you could of made an entrance with Spencer arm in arm but a stolen fleeting moment was all the time you two could grab.

You made your way down the hall to the elevator. You walked out to find Spencer was only one to have arrived yet. He was stood leaning back against building. Your shoes click clacked on the flooring as you went and joined him. Without saying anything he lent down and gave you a quick peck. A hand came up and tenderly stroked your cheek. You smiled at another stolen moment. You both heard then saw movement coming towards you. Spencer wrenched his hand away from you so fast it was as if it hadn't happened. You felt your good spirits slump at the withdrawn affection that you swear you still felt lingering on your cheek. It was Morgan dressed in a suit and not even he knew about your secrect romance. The man who knew everything about Spencer and even he was being kept in the dark. It's not like this was the first time this similar thing had happened but recently it was starting to hurt more as your relationship behind closed doors became more intense.

Morgan and Spencer became animated in conversation leaving you like a third wheel in your position of leaning against the building. You looked down at your feet as you felt the warm moist tears starting to fill in your eyes.

" Y/N are you ok?" Garcia broke your train of thought you hadn't even seen her approach 

"Oh yeah sorry I'm fine something in my eye. You made me jump." You sniffed and blinked back the tears.

"Ok well the taxis are here!" Garcia pulled you by the arm excited.

Once you had arrived in at the ball you were in awe the minute you walked into the huge building. If was amazing. The building itself was stunning but the décor inside took your breath away. It was something out of a film. Looking around was a sea of dresses, flowers, drapes and waiters bringing round drinks and canapés. An orchestra playing classic music was at one end as people danced and mingled. You felt a little out if place so stuck by those you knew from the Bau. Morgan even convinced you to have a quick dance with him once the champagne had given you a good dose of liquid courage. You made eye contact with Spencer as you glided around and tried to flash him a smile. He caught your eye and smiled back. Your stomach ached with longing right now to be by his side at such an event. To be seen hanging off his arm. For him to introduce you to people. He looked so handsome your heart brimmed with love for him.

After your dance with Morgan ended you thought you would try your luck getting Spencer on the dancefloor. You went up to him and started chatting in a casual mannor fitting of just friends.

"Spence want to dance?" You asked optimistically.

"I'm sorry Y/N you know we can't. I'd love to but we can't risk it. I'll meet you on the roof at 8 how about that. Over there is the stairs that leads to it. We can have our own special private dance up there."

"But Spence no one will know anything they will just think we are dancing since we are team members and all." Your stomache lurched in anger and hurt.

"I said no Y/n. Please don't push this." Spence walked off to begin talking to Rossi.

Your face fell in disappointment. Silly of you to think you could actually share a moment in public.Your heart felt like a knife had been stabbed straight through then was being twisted when you saw what happened next. You witnessed Spencer dance with JJ. His arms round her waist her hands on him. Why does SHE get to dance with him. That should be you in his arms. It's you he kisses at night. It's your door he comes and knocks on. He even has a special knock when it's him alone for god sake. Yet he won't put his arms around you in public even when you have a pretense.

You hurridly made your way to the exit Spencer had pointed out to you. You opened the big heavy door to find a dimly lit dank metal staircase. Your heels made a high pitched click clack noise as you headed up. Pushing open another big heavy door you were on the rooftop. It was light by the moon and not alot else up there.

A plastic crate littered the floor. You turned it upside down and perched on it taking in the view. The air was cool and crisp just what you needed to gather your thoughts to face the crowd again. The crowd that separated you and Spencer

You and Spence had not planned to have a secret love affair. It just.... happened. You had not been in a relationship that had been like this before. Not just how secretive it was but how mind blowing it was. Even if it was just watching a film to bring pounded hard into his mattress there was a connection. A spark. He had once told you part of him was glad he had joined the BAU as it enabled him to meet you. Here was a man who you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with, and you couldn't tell a damn soul. You wanted to shout it from the roof tops but Spencer was wary. He didn't want him to affect the team in some way. Plus the fact it was against regulations and you could both loose your jobs.So instead you had spent months grabbing moments when you could here and there. Sometimes it added to the thrill. Sometimes it caused you pain you couldn't go to him when you most needed him.

A bang of metal broke your thoughts.

"There you are. I didn't see where you went." A voice spoke as they came up behind you and placed a hand on each shoulder.

You tilted your head to the side leaning your hand against his for a second enjoying the closeness. You suddenly shrugged him off and stood up. A tear had escaped and rolled down your cheek luckily not taking any make up with it.

Spencer's hand instantly meet the rolling droplet to wipe it away tenderly.

"Hey hey hey. What's the matter?" Spence asked concern in his voice.

"What do you think is the matter." An edge added a bitter tone to the line.

"Because I didn't dance with you?"

"Yes exactly that."

"We have been over this Y/N. You know exactly why."

"And I have blindly accepted your reasons Spence until now no argument. Tonighy I'm struggling. Fair enough not dancing with me. But to jump away when Morgan comes near. To watch you dance with another female colleague. Now that Spence, that is what hurts. Acting like I'm a bad smell hanging around when we both know that is not the case."

Spencer tried to grab your hand and pull you closer but you lightning quick pulled it away.

"You think sweet talking me is going to work Spencer?"

He tried again and this time you let him loosely grip your wrist.

"No Y/N I'm not trying to sweet talk you. Maybe we should talk later when you haven't had a drink."

"I'm not fucking drunk! I'm fucking hurting!"

You turned your back to him taking deep breaths.

"What is it you want Y/N?"

"I want you to hold me and kiss me on that dancefloor down there with everyone watching. I want to walk down the street hand in hand with the man I love. I can't tell anyone I'm in love though so everyone thinks I'm a weird loner bitch who needs to get laid. I'm yours Spence and no one knows. No one fucking knows. It kills me and eats me up inside. I can't do this sneaking about. I wonder to myself will it ever change with you though? If I can't ever say I'm in love what is the point in this? I long for the day when ever it might be I can be honest. I don't want to love you this way. I don't want to hide away."

Spence came up behind you and wrapped his arms round your torso.

"Why can't we be like that? Why can't we be a normal couple? Don't worry you won't have to carry it on any longer. I can't do this Spencer. It kills me seeing you at work. I don't want you risking your job I know how much it means to you. So I've handed in my notice to Hotch. A month ago in fact. Tomorrow is my last day. Then you don't have to worry about me ever again."

"Y/N. I had no idea it had been bothering you so much. Just because this romance has been carried out behind closed doors, please don't think it means I care any less for you." Spencer held your hand as he pulled you back to the door.

"Get off me, what are you doing?"

"Showing everyone down there you are indeed getting laid. I'll knock your socks off on the dancefloor. If you are not an official employee then we aren't restricted by work policies."

You smiled as you let yourself be dragged backinside. Butterflies started fluttering in your tummy in anticipation.


	2. I'll never be her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I hate you, I love you,  
> I hate that I love you  
> Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you  
> I hate you, I love you,  
> I hate that I want you  
> You want her, you need her  
> And I'll never be her"
> 
> Gnash -I hate u I love u
> 
> You hate being in love with Spencer Reid. It's stopped you forming relationships and affects you daily especially having to work with him. He is still broken over Maeve, someone you can never be.

Just as you were dropping off to sleep you heard your phone vibrating and chiming loudly on your night stand. It was always on in case of a work related emergency, which was pretty frequently working at the BAU. Swiping the screen up you saw nope not work. It was Spencer Reid telling you about a trailer online for the new star wars rogue one film. While you were happy to see his name on the screen it was still an annoying disturbance.  
You quickly typed out "will watch in morning thanks for the link Spence. See you tomorrow. Will have coffee. X"

With a huge "erghh" cry you threw your phone across the room. You assumed the protective case would protect it like last time. You felt your eyes prick with tears. So close to sleep. Now you were up awake thinking about Spencer, yet again. An all routine occurrence. You felt like a pathetic school girl not the grown women who worked for the FBI. Why can't you get him out of your head?  
Your crush on Spencer was soul destroying having to work so closely with him. In fact you thought it was more than a crush. Your feelings ran deeper than you admitted to yourself.

It had all started when you first joined the BAU. Something about Spencer drew you to him. You guys clicked instantly. Your friendship extended to outside of work when he offered to go see a film with you no one else would like. You were so sure there had been subtle flirtations from both of you. Little smiles and glances. For awhile it seemed you were texting each other after work and watching movies together more frequently.

That was until Maeve Donovan came on the scene and took up Spencer's interests. The two of you grew apart. You still saw him out of work but gone was any level of intimacy. After her death he became especially distant but not from just you. He retreated into himself for a while. Even when acting his usual self at work you could see the sparkle gone from his eyes. It broke your heart to see him like that. You wanted to comfort him and be there for him but you found it hard. Well done Y/N. Your jealous of a dead women. Even in death she received more of his attention than you did. It was so selfish to think that way you knew that. You just missed him. 

Tears rolled down your face as your body started to shake with sobs. Why couldn't you just switch your feelings off? You couldn't keep doing this. You had even been toying with the idea of leaving the BAU. You had dated casually a couple of guys but you just felt nothing for them your feelings for Spencer casting a shadow over any potential love interest. You just couldn't put anyone above him in your heart.

Everything about him drive you crazy. The way he licked his lips. The way he had a slight frown when staring at a white board thinking. The way you could smell him (a custom blend of his shampoo, washing powder, Cologne) and it made you feel safe and familiar when ever you got a slight waft of it after he had left. The way he walked with his gun on his hip. You would watch him interact with children and smile. And don't start on how cute he looked in an FBI bullet proof vest when on the ground. The way he would hold his gun and point it at an unsub. So....manly. Something primal stirred in you. Like your inner damsel in distress being protected by the alpha male. Not usually one for gender stereotypes you found yourself weak at the knees every time you saw him in action.

Eventually sleep took you but you woke up all to soon to your alarm. No way could it be time to go. You got up and dressed as usual and rushed put the door. On the way to work you stopped and got your usual caffeine injection,one for you and one for Reid. It had become a routine between two of you taking turns buying.

Even once you had drunk it by the time you got to work it hadn't lifted your spirits at all. A dark cloud hung over you. As you entered the office you placed the coffee cup on Reid's desk glad he wasn't there yet so you didn't have to talk. You sat in a cubicle and pretended to look over some paper work in an attempt to look busy. Really you could feel your eyes filling up with hot salty tears. You didn't want to be here you didn't want to see these people. You just wished you could go hide in bed for a few days.

You saw a shadow cast across the paper work. You turned round to see Spencer. You sniffed and quickly wiped away a tear. You feigned a smile bit it didn't quite reach your eyes. You were screwed and you knew it. You worked with profilers it didn't take a brain surgeon to take one look at you and see something was up.

"Thanks for the coffee Y/N." Spencer said to you.

He saw the red eyes and dark shadows on your face. 

"Is everything okay Y/N?" He asked in his sweet caring voice that made you swoon every time he spoke.

"Yeah I'm fine thanks Spence just um, hay fever."

Spencer walked off muttering to himself something about pollen counts. He wasn't fooled but he was off your back anyway.

Spencer bumped into Garcia on way to his desk.

"Hey Garcia, can I speak to you a minute? Is something the matter with Y/N. I've noticed for a while her behavior had been off but it seems more so today. I think she's been crying." Spencer questioned.

"Oh. I know what this is about don't worry Reid." 

"And what is that?" Spencer queried further.

"Oh um, nothing don't worry. I'll go see her. Don't worry your pretty little head over it." Garcia seemed flustered nearly spilling the beans. She was the only one that knew of your true feelings.

She approached you at your desk and saw instantly something wasn't right. It didn't take a profiler to spot the crumbled suite, the slumped shoulders and chipped nail varnish. 

"Oh honey, what's the matter? Auntie Penelope is in the building. Talk to me girl." She stroked your hair gently.

"I can't keep doing this P. He woke me up last night to message me about star wars. No hi how are you. No let's go out to dinner like we use to. You know last time I was with him alone he just spoken to me about you know who's favourite author when I tried to discuss a new book I've read. I can't compete with her Penelope and it's being held over my head it seems."

"You know he doesn't mean to. He wouldn't want to hurt you if he knew how you felt. Have you thought anymore about telling him how you feel?"

"What's the point Penelope, he wants her and I can never ever be her."

"I'll tell you what Y/N everyone is going out tonight for drinks. A work night out is well over due and just what you need to take your mind off of this. Ohhh let's go find you a new hunk to lust over. Not sure you can call the old one a um, 'hunk'." Garcia did finger air quotes at the work hunk.

Morgan walked in grabbing Garcia's attention.

"Now here comes a real hunk Y/N. Oh yeah girl, cover me in whipped cream and call me sugar I'd have a piece of that chocolate cake." You couldn't help but laugh at her outrageous and wildly inappropriate comments.

Maybe a night out would do you good. Let loose a bit. Even with Spencer there a bit of fun is what you needed. You needed to get through the day first. It didn't help Spencer was wearing your favourite cardigan. You just pictured yourself hugging him and feeling the soft fabric against your skin. Being able to wear it and still smell him on it. Maybe even wearing that cardigan and nothing else while lounging in bed with him....this is why you hated him so much. The daily unintentional torture of having him dangled in front of you yet snatched away.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two anyone?  
> If so do I do a happy or sad ending?  
> Hope you have enjoyed anyway :)


	3. How to save a life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Where did I go wrong?  
> I lost a friend  
> Somewhere along in the bitterness  
> And I would have stayed up with you all night  
> Had I known how to save a life"  
> the fray - how to save a life
> 
> Trigger warning mentions of suicide, vomiting and blood.  
> Spencer gets a worrying voicemail so grabs some of the team and heads to your apartment.

Your vision was blurry with tears. Your movements were clumsy as you fumbled on the table for the bottle of whisky you were working your way through. In the process you managed knock over some glasses and an empty bottle. Bending down to pick some of it up you managed to slide off your chair landing on glass. You hadn't even felt it slice in to your palm. You just giggled manically at the sight of it jutting out of your hand.

The room was spinning as you tried to stand up. You felt sleepy and nauseous so you stumbled to the kitchen sink to vomit. In the process you managed to knock over chairs, vases and a canvas off the wall. You laughed each time your body slammed into something new as you were trying your hardest to walk.

Once at the sink you purged yourself of the contents of your stomach. You slammed your hand down on the kitchen work top knocking your phone. You picked up saying as you stood in the kitchen. The numbers and words of the screen a blur. Squinting you managed to find a number in your phone book. The number rang but there was no answer.

A voice spoke to you anyway. "Hello this is Spencer Reid. I can't come to the phone right now but please leave a message and I will get back to you shortly." * Beep* "Oh um hi Spence. G g g guess's whooooo. I just um, wanted to talk but your busy. Um. Yeah. It would be nice to see your face though. I miss your face Spence. I miss you. Spence. I need you."

You started sobbing and slammed the phone back down. How pathetic of you to call him sounding so pathetic. You knew you would be embarrassed about it come morning but you didn't care. Heading back to the table you slammed into everything again causing more destruction.

Grabbing the whisky bottle off the table you picked up and knocked it all back. You ignored the burning in the back of your throat finishing every last drop. You were pathetic and miserable. No wonder you has been signed off work mentally unwell. It was an excuse because they hated you really. Even Spencer saw how weak and worthless you were. What was the point. You had always been pathetic nothing was going to change. It's why you lived alone as no one could stand you for more than two seconds.

Fresh sobs escaped from your body. Then you had a moment of clarity as an idea came to you. The simple solution to your problems. You grabbed the now empty bottle and headed to the bathroom. You stripped down to your underwear and turned on the hot tap not feeling the burning you just knew it would help blood flow. Once in you smashed the bottle on the edge of the tub. You tested the sharp edge on your palm. It sliced cleanly and easily. Perfect.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Spencer pulled out his vibrating phone from his pocket. The screen lit up with one missed called Y/N. One new answer phone message. Flicking the screen up he pressed the bottoms and listened to his new message. As he listened his face turned into a frown.

"Hey hey hey. Listen to this guys." Spencer didn't care about interrupting Garcia and Morgan's conversation. He pressed play again this time on loud speaker.

"It's barely 6 pm what is Y/N doing wasted already?" Morgan said not expecting an answer.

"Ohhh my god guys she sounds super bad right now." Penelope's face did not mask her concern at all.

"Think we should go check on her?" Spencer suggested.

"Well it sounds like she wants to see you for sure pretty boy. Let's finish up here then go check up on her." Morgan replied.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Heyyyyy Y/N. It's me." Penelope knocked on your apartment door.

"Here let me try." Morgan pushed her aside. "Y/N it's me and boy wonder. Let us in. Just want to make sure you are ok."

There was still no response you guys had been knocking and knocking. Trying to call you they could hear your phone inside the apartment.

"Maybe she's not in?" Penelope's voice sounding even more concerned.

"Guys shh! Guys seriously shut up. Listen." Spencer spoke over the top of them.

"Sounds like running water." Morgan had his ear to the door. "We need to get in there. Now. Help me break down the door Reid."

After several attempts there was a loud crack and then a crash as the door splintered apart allowing them entry.

"Y/N." They all called out looking around for you.

They took in the devastation of your apartment.

"Omg as she been burgled? And what's that smell?!" Garcia pinched her nose.

"Smells like alcohol." Spencer said. ".....And vomit. I don't think she's been burgled. I think Y/Ns done this."

Still no sign of you Spencer followed the sound to the bathroom. Water was coming out from the bottom of the door. He lifted his feet up and down as it sunk into his shoes. He knocked on the door no response.

"Y/N. I'm coming in now." He gave you a warning as Morgan and Garcia appeared next to his side in the door way.

He slowly opened the door.

A loud scream came from Garcia as she froze to the spot in shock.

The water flowed over the edge of the long filled bathtub. It came down in cascades of crimson as you looked peacefully reclined in your underwear in the bath.

"Oh no no no baby girl." Morgan pleaded as he ran in and switched the water off.

Spencer ran in and jumped into the water not caring it was hot or that he was fully dressed. He started crying and shouting your name as he lifted you into a sitting position. He stroked your face willing a response. He hugged you close your arms limp at your side.

"Garcia call 911! Now." Morgan reminded calm as he gave out instructions. "Reid! Help me get her out."

Between the two of them they pulled your pale limp body out of the bath on to the floor. Your head landed with a sickening thud on the tiles. Morgan checked for a pulse but couldnt find anything. Tears started falling silently down his face. 

"Paramedics are coming. Oh god oh god. Y/N. Why. Why. Why." Garcia came back into the room.

She looked down at the long cuts that were across both arms and started sobbing louder. They weren't across your wrists. They were going upwards. You meant to do this.

Reid pulled your head on shoulders on to his lap and cradled you as he cried. He started to rock you side to side.

"I came Y/N. You called and I came. Why couldn't you hold on a little longer. I came. Please wake up. Please. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Somewhere I lost you as a friend and I'm sorry. Please come back to me. Anything I did wrong I'm sorry." Reid pleaded and pleaded. 

It broke Morgan's heart further. Not only did they find you like this but Reid's pleading and begging came from the heart. This was hurting him the most Morgan could tell. 

As the paramedics arrived Morgan forced Reid to let go to give them space to move. He had to pull Reid from you as Reid continued pleading with you.

A third paramedic wrapped a blanket around a very wet Reid. Reid hugged it tight around him. He didn't fully take in the paramedics and what they were saying. He had gone into shock. 

Penelope put aside her own grief to pulled Reid into a hug. "Ahhh. Spence. Let them do there job."

"I know from her message she was distressed but I should of known Penny. I should of known. I would of stayed up with her all night if she needed me to. I would of stayed by her side. Oh god the blood. So much blood. I know the water will make it look more dramatic but she's lost a lot. This is my fault for not being there for her. I loved her Penelope I really do. I never told her. What if I can never tell her. She's not going to know! Penelope, she won't know how loved she was." Reid sobbed hard.

"She knows Spence. That's why she called you. She knows. Y/N called you and you came that's what matters and she knows." Penelope tried to stroke his hair soothingly.

"She knows Spence."She whispered in his ear.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She loves you to Spence! :(  
> Part two of this anyone? A happy or sad ending?
> 
> I'd love some feedback:)


	4. How to save a life part two (you found me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Where were you  
> When everything was falling apart?  
> All my days  
> Were spent by the telephone  
> That never rang  
> And all I needed was a call  
> That never came  
> To the corner of First and Amistad
> 
> Lost and insecure  
> You found me, you found me  
> Lyin' on the floor  
> Surrounded, surrounded  
> Why'd you have to wait?  
> Where were you? Where were you?  
> Just a little late  
> You found me, you found me"
> 
> The Fray - you found me

"Spence, Spence, Reid! Did you hear that?" Garcia shook Spencer who was crying into her shoulder. "The paramedics Spence. They have found a pulse."

Morgan came over to inform them of what the paramedics had told him.

"Hey, so um, they found a weak pulse. It's weak but it's there." He placed a hand on Spencers shoulder. "It means she's alive man. Now she's out of the warm water the bleeding has slowed right down as well."

"Wait she's not dead?" The words reached Reid's brain.

"No man she's alive, she's strong Reid and she's hanging on. She's hanging on for you because she knew you would come to her. Garcia, can you ring Hotch tell him what happened then see what he wants to tell the rest of the team. Contact any next of kin once she reaches the hospital and they have news. Will be better to hear it from a friend than a strange doctor. Pretty boy, there's no room for both of us in the ambulance so you go on without me and I'll drive me and Garcia there."

Garcia just nodded with a look of shock on her face then rushed outside to make the phone call to Hotch.

Reid turned around to watch your lifeless body. Knowing you had a chance still meant he could bare to look at the scene. He had seen so many horrific things in his line of work but this was up there with the worst. When it happened to someone on the team it hit everyone deeper and harder.

It hadn't even struck Spencer until now you had been in your underwear. As the paramedics lifted you onto a gurney you looked so vulnerable. They covered you in a blanket which Spencer was glad of. He didn't want your neighbors or any bystanders seeing you so revealed. Your hair still dripped crimson on top of the white sheet on which you had been laid.

He silently followed you and the paramedics out clutching at the blanket round him. Spencer still didn't feel ig was okay to celebrate yet. You weren't out of the woods yet and Spencer hated the part of his brain that stored medical knowledge pulling out all the possible scenarios.

He winced as the wheels of the guerny went over every little bump and again as you went into the ambulance. Your body jolted slightly each time. Spencer gave the paramedics space to monitor you as the ambulance siren blasted announcening your precense and arrival at the hospital. The ambulance raced through traffic with urgency. Once at the hospital and the does opened a team of doctors and nurses were awaiting you. 

Spencer didn't even get to see you or talk to you. You were snatched away straight into surgery. A room had been prepped for your arrival. Spencer wanted to just hold your hand and tell you that he was there. As he sat wet and uncomfortable in the waiting room images flashed in his brain of you laughing and joking then jumping to the pale version of you in the bath. Oh god the blood. There had been so much blood. Time seemed to go slower for Spencer as he waited and waited and waited. 

Garcia and Penelope arrived with coffee for all three of you. As Morgan thrust it in Reid's hand Reid frowned.

"Y/N nearly died. She could die still. Yet you guys stopped for coffee?" Reid's voice was slightly raised.

"Hey, Reid. We are only trying to help. None of us have had dinner yet and who knows what the coffee is like here. We know you are worried. Now shut up and say thank you." Morgan spoke like a father telling off a sulky teenage son.

Spencer's free hand came up to his face and rubbed his eyes. 

"Yeah. I'm sorry it's just....there was so much blood. Did you see how long and deep those cuts were? She didn't want to wake up from this. Y/N never intended for us to be here now. She just wanted it to be over so badly and I didn't take the time to register it. I knew she was off work and we spoke less as a result, but I had no idea. Why didn't I know? I should of known?" Reid was starting to ramble and he couldn't help it.

"Oh honey come here." Garcia sat him down and took the seat next to him. She reassuring held Spencer's free hand. "None of us knew. Y/N kept us all in the dark not just you"

"But Garcia you aren't the one in love with her. I can't believe I finally saying the words out loud. I should of seen it. I failed her. Where was I? Head buried in work while oblivious to her pain and suffering. It took me finding her surrounded by her own blood to realise my feelings. I was to late. Why did I wait so long to see it. If she wakes up she is going to blame me isn't she?"

"Reid she will never ever blame you. How could you have known? You are clever but you are no mind reader." Morgan tried to reassure the slowly falling apart Reid.

He sighed and though to himself there better be some news soon for Reid's sake.

"What did Hotch say Garcia?" Spencer enquired.

"I spoke to mr boss man. He suggested it was better keeping it just us three as we were the closest to her. He didn't want to crowd the waiting room. We are excused of work tomorrow as well." Garcia's voice was soft and reassuring.

They spent next few hours in this state of limbo. Spencer's clothes had started drying but all three of them had blood stains splashed over them, Spencer's clothes the worst. Spencer could hear your voice ringing out in his mind "Where were you? Where were you?" It repeatedly itself accusingly in his brain.

They were was surprised when a man in a black suite arrived at some point in their wait. It was Hotch who felt he had a duty to check on not just you buy is stressed team as well. An even like this affected everyone in their makeshift family. He came baring gifts of more coffee for everyone. Hotch was shocked at the state of them. It sunk in then just how serious it must of been. The event would be etched in their memory for a long time yet.

A man in surgical scrubs come out and greeted the four of them. Spencer completely missed what is name was but listened when he realised he was addressing them.

"Hi are you the family and friends of Y/N? I'm Dr Reynolds." He smiled reassuringly at the worried looking group.

"Yes we are her close work colleagues. Is there any news?" Hotch automatically assumed control of the situation.

"Y/N has made it through surgery. She lost alot of blood. To be honest we are surpised at the amount yet she hung on. She's received blood and the wounds stitched up. Luckily the jagged nature of the incisions stopped her bleeding too fast but she must of been in that bath awhile. She was found literally just in time. While not out of the woods completely it looks like she's going to be okay. She's resting in a private side room. While you can visit she won't be conscious for awhile yet. Nurses will be in to check on her." He smiled again and walked towards your room gesturing for the team to follow.

Spencer rushed a head of the other the first one to be at your bedside. You were laying still and pale surrounded by machines and wires. There was a constant rhythmic beeping sound filling the dim, silent room.

Spencer lent over the bed and gave you a small peck on the cheek. While probably wildly inappropriate in that moment Spencer didn't care. Hotch raised and eyebrow while Morgan shot up a look that said "explain later".

Pulling up a chair Spencer held your hand and started talking to you.

"Can Y/N hear right now?" Garcia asked no one in particular.

"Studies and real life experience have shown that some coma patients hear everything going on around them. While we can't be sure, I want her to be able to hear my voice." 

He rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb. Hotch signalled for Garcia and Morgan to talk outside.

"If it's ok I am going to head home now. Give me an update anytime over the night if you need to. If I hear nothing I'll assume good news. Make sure you guys all eat and rest. Y/N is in good hands. Although Reid seems like he won't be leaving her side." Hotch looked tired.

"It was Spencer who got the phone call from her Sir. He feels it's his duty to be here. He's riddled with guilt and unresolved feelings." Morgan explained.

After Hotch left the three of them sat round your bed talking to you. Telling stories and reminiscing. After a few hours Morgan took himself and Garcia home leaving Reid by your bedside. 

Even now just him Reid didn't stop talking to you. He talked about all the films you were going to watch. How he was going to take you to comic con. How he wasn't going to leave you alone if you would just wake up. Nurses came in and out shooting him sympathetic looks. He must of looked as bad as he felt. Reid felt selfish every time his thoughts wondered from you to himself. You were what matterd not hot tired or hungry he was.

Fresh tears forms in Reid's eyes at the guilt that was eating him up. You had to wake up so he could tell you he loved you. You had to know.

At some point in the night Reid had fallen asleep as he woke up to morning light coming in the window. What had woken him was movement. Your hand twitched on the bed. You let out a little moan as your eyes flickered open adjusting to the light.

"Spence?" You whispered quietly. Your throat was dry and sore. In fact your whole body felt sore and weak. You hadn't ever felt tiredness like this before.

"Hey I'm here Y/N. I'm here." He bolted up right pleased you were awake.

"You found me..." your voice trailed off tired.

"Of course I found you. The minute I received your voice mail I rushed to you. I'm sorry I wasn't sooner I'm so sorry. I should of been there days ago. You were hurting and I failed you. I was so scared I was going to loose you, I uh, needed to tell you something so badly."

"And what's that Spence?"

"I love you Y/N. I always have. I thought you were going to die without knowing just how I felt. You are everything to me. You make my life a little brighter by being there. I'm sorry I haven't made your life better. I am here now. I mean, if you want me to be."

A tear slide down your face as you smiled at Reid's confession. You watched him nervously luck his lower lip. He looked exhausted.

"Stop saying sorry. I called you but I hadn't planned on...this when I made that call. It's not your fault. You came to me Spence. That means more to me than anything. Spencer Reid. Do you really love me?"

"Oh yes Y/N. Very much so I should of told you before but I was scared you wouldn't want me"

"Spencer. I love you. Please don't leave me alone. I'm scared." You started sobbing as the realisation of what happened hit you. 

"Shh Y/N." Spencer stood up and gave you a peck on the lips. " I'm never leaving your side now. Anytime you need me I'll be there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have zero medical knowledge btw. I might have gotten everything wrong.


	5. I'll never be her (part two it hurts me every time I see you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Feeling used  
> But I'm  
> Still missing you  
> And I can't  
> See the end of this  
> Just wanna feel your kiss  
> Against my lips  
> And now all this time  
> Is passing by  
> But I still can't seem to tell you Why  
> It hurts me every time I see you  
> Realize how much I need you"
> 
> From same song as part one

Garcia held your hand and excitedly pulled you through the doors of the bar. Her high heels clicking on the floor.

"Oh I am so ready to party Y/N!" Garcia clapped her hands excitedly. Her big blingy rings crashed together loudly as she did so.

"Let's get a drink." You pointed to the bar.

"Ohh shots! That is a great idea!" 

"I never said shots Garcia!" You knew resistance was futile as soon as she had said shots. Before you could say anything more Garcia was up at the bar ordering already.

The bartender happily obliged and lined up 12 shots of various coloured liquids. Six in front of each of you. 

"What even is this Garcia?" You asked frowning.

Garcia picked one up and placed it in your hand. 

"Hush sweet child of mine. Now drink up! There's a good girl!"

You sighed and knocked back each shot of mystery liquid. They were very sweet and very strong whatever it was.

"Well you don't waste time do you Y/N!" 

"Hey you said to drink up so I did!"

Garcia waved over the bartender. "12 more of these good sir! Ohh and a pitcher of your frutiests cocktail please!"

"Penelope! I never agreed to cocktails!"

"When this is the best night of your life you will be thanking Y/N. We are going to dance 'til we drop!"

Six more shots were lined up infront of you and again each was knocked back in quick succession. Even the bartender looked in awe at how quickly you drank them. 

"Ohh let's grab that big table of there!" Garcia pointed and you followed with the pitcher brightly coloured liquids.

"Aw look at the pretty colours of the drink Y/N. It's like we are drinking a sunset."

"And look he even have us little umbrellas." You gushed enthusiastically mood most definitely lifted for now. "All drinks should come with a little umbrella makes them more fun!" 

"Even coffee?" Garcia asked

"Especially coffee what better way to start your morning. Caffeine and a colourful mini umbrella.Think I should save one and stick in Reid's coffee come Monday morning? Here's a coffee, a fun umbrella and by the way I love you." 

"Aww you guys still do the coffee thing? That's so cute!"

"I don't think Reid sees it as cute. It's practical. If one of us is at a coffee shop might was well order for the both of us and save the other a trip."

"Well I think it's cute. No one brings me coffees. Where's my coffees with pretty umbrellas?! Ohhh I think they are here." Garcia got up and waved her arms frantically at the entrance.

Entertaining the building was Morgan, Rossi, JJ, Tara and last but not least Reid. You took the chance to sucking up more alcohol from a straw in the pitcher. It was fruity and strong. 

As the guys came and sat down you tried not to look at Reid. He was not going to ruin your night not tonight. Him and his dead girlfriend could hop along out of your brain for one evening. Reid went to greet you but seeing how you wouldn't make eye contact with him he closed his mouth and sat opposite you. Seeing where he was sat your turned your body slightly pointing it towards Garcia next to you. You were quite literally giving Spencer Reid the cold shoulder. You and Garcia giggled away as you made short work of the pitcher.

Over the next hour you and Garcia managed an impressive amount of drinks between the two of you. You had also managed to avoid conversation with Reid the entire time.

Garcia stood up suddenly when a new song came on.

"Ohh ohh I love this one let's dance!" Garcia grabbed you by the hand not giving you much say in the matter.

Walking over to the dance floor you felt the beat ring through your ear drums.you closed your eyes letting the rythmn sinking in. Your body shifted without much conscious thought. You felt someone grind up against you from behind. Turning around you came face to face with Morgan. Laughing you and Penelope sandwich him between the two of you doing over the top dance moves.

Morgan lent over and shouted in your ear. "Want to do the usual escape plan tonight?"

You nodded and smiled to indicate yes. It had become routine now that if the other wanted rescuing you would pretend to be together.  Morgan would come over and place an arm round you while shooting death stares at your potential suitor. It worked well. 

You didn't notice Rossi, Tara, JJ and Reid watching the performance on the dancefloor. 

You continued dancing while Garcia fed you more drinks. 

Across the dancefloor you spotted a very good looking guy. 

You elbowed Garcia "hey have you seen the eye candy over there!"

"Yes he's on my radar and he as been eyeing you the last 3 songs." Without warning Garcia threw you at him. You laughed and apologised as you crashed into him.

He took your hand and started dancing not even asking for permission. It instantly took on a sexy twist as you and the mystery hunk mutually grinded against each other. You pouted and flipped your hair seductively the alcohol taking full control long ago.

Morgan noticed the intensity and gave you thumbs up signal. You gave him a thumbs up back so say it was fine. Morgan raised an eyebrow a little surprised at your out of character behavior. You saw him nudge Reid who looked over . You made quick eye contact with Reid, shooting him a glare then bringing attention back to the guy rubbing up against you.

 You smiled to the guy as you stopped dancing and shouted to him you were taking a breather but would be back.

You sat back down with your team fanning yourself and smiling.

Garcia high fived you across the table. "You go girl! Your on fire tonight!"

"Is it hot in here or is it me?" You asked the group.

"Oh it's definitely all you!" Tara Lewis answered. 

"I'm going outside to get some fresh air. Don't have to much fun without me." You left the bar heading outside.

Spencer watched the guy you had been dancing with. He gave off  'vibes' Spencer did not like. 'Vibes' a profiler just could not ignore. 

"Is something wrong with Y/N? She's acting out of character this evening." Reid turned to ask Garcia.

"Ohhh boy I'm not allowed to talk to you about it." Garcia made a zipper motion across her lips.

"Why not me Garcia?"

"You just have to talk to her yourself."

"So there is something wrong?"

"Ohh Spence I've said to much already!" 

Spencer frowned then glanced over the dance floor. The guy you had been dancing floor was gone.  Spencer spotted him heading out the door where he had last seen you.

Not saying anything to the table Spencer got up and followed you outside. He was concerned given the levels of alcohol in your system impairing your cognitive ability. As he pushed open the heavy doors the cool night air felt refreshing.

He heard raised voices and turned a corner. You rounded it just into to see you knee your ex dance partner in the crotch while shouting at him obscenities.

"Hey Y/N. Everything okay here?" Reid shouted announcing his precense.

"Yeah fan fucking tastic Reid. Thanks for bloody asking." You stumbled slightly and lent against the wall for balance.

The guy on the floor got up and skulked off back inside to meet his friends.

"I just wanted to check on you when I saw him follow you out." 

"Yeah yeah yeah. I'm fine a bit late for your concern I can handle myself thanks." A bitter edge in the tone of your voice as you replied.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to infer you are unable to look after yourself. Something is the matter though Y/N." 

"Spencer boy genius Reid. Good fucking star for you."

"Please Y/N what is the problem?"

You walked up to Spencer and pointed your finger at him. "Reid. You are the problem!"

"Me?" Spencer looked confused.

"Yes you golden boy. You."

"What have I done? I haven't done anything."

You laughed while Spencer looked confused not getting the joke.

You clapped at him. "Getting warm. Exactly that. You haven't done s bloody thing."

"Y/N. You are going to have to explain to me what is going on."

Tears started to stream down your face. "You used me Spence and it fucking hurts."

"In what way did I use you? That would never be my intention."

"You used me to fill up your time. We would go to the movies, have dinner, go for walks in the park. That was just to elevate some boredom though wasn't it? Maeve came along and you soon dropped me like a sack of shit. You soon forgot about me."

"After her.... death I became distant from everyone Y/N. Not just you. Please do not take it personally."

"Did you ever care about me Spence? I've been missing you you know? All this time is passing by and I'm still feeling this."

"What exactly are you feeling?"

"It hurts me every single day I see you at work Spencer. It is slowly killing me. Eating me up inside. I'm so fucking stupid Spence." Your hands came up to your face as you sobbed louder.

Spencer came over bridging the gap between you. Gently he pulled your hands away from your face and went to bring you into an embrace. You could smell his signature smell so comforting and inviting. For a second you went along with it then pushed him off of you.

"No no no. I can't do this anymore. I can't do this. I can't see the end of this so I might as well just walk away from. This. From us. From the BAU."

"Y/N. I'm struggling to understand what is going on here. You are one of my friends so if course I care about you to answer your earlier question."

The sobs escaping you grew louder.

"Spence don't look at me like that. You are so cute when you look confused. For a genius you are a fucking idiot. I'm just not going to bother. I'm not Maeve. I never will be. You want her, you need and I can't be her. I can't compete with the ghost of her despite being there for you first."

"I don't want you to be Maeve. There can only be one Maeve and I'm not looking for someone to take on her role. I will always cherish her memory but I accept she is gone and not coming back. I don't want her as I know I can't realistically have her."

 "Then why fucking drop me then Reid? Like I don't matter?"

"I guess I'm scared to get close to people again Y/N, so I hold them at arms reach. That way when they are taken from me it hurts less."

"Is that what this is holding me arms reach BECAUSE you care?!"

"That's exactly what it is Y/N."

"You Reid, are so adorable it's painful."

"Ergh thank you I guess?"

"Please Reid. I am over here dying to kiss you and I'm still no closer to understanding what the fuck is going on. I'm drunk enough to say it. Do you like like me Reid? Not just a Star Wars buddy. Did you ever like me? Or am I as pathetic as I feel."

Reid attempted again to come close to you. Very slowly he pulled you into an embrace. Your head fell on his shoulder as you cried.on of his hands snack round your waist the other stroked your head.

"I guess I haven't been entirely honest with myself as well as you. I always like liked you. You mean so much to me. You know you are my only Star Wars buddy? I didn't realise it had been affecting you so much. I just have held my distance and it's not been easy. Don't you think I miss our evenings together. I didn't mean to start anything with Maeve. It just seemed less risky than having emotions for someone on the team. But I was proved wrong and it ended up being just as risky. Maybe if I hadn't gotten involved she would be alive today. Maybe I'd have admitted my feelings for you back then. Who knows. Please Y/N stop crying and look at me"

You pulled your head back away from his body and looked up into his eyes. Spencer's hands came up and cupped your face. Leaning down he gently pressed his lips into yours. A slow, sensual rhythm started to build up as your tongue slipped into his mouth. Reid broke the kiss and pulled away slightly.

Still holding your face in his hands he looked you dead in the eyes.

"I love you Y/N. I never meant to cause you pain. I'm so sorry. Can you forgive me and we can start fresh? I would quite like my dinner and movie partner back now. What do you say Y/N? Come back to mine now to sober up so we can have some catch up time." 

"Only if you kiss me again." You smiled with a cheeky glint in your eyes.

"Oh believe me Y/N. Now we have crossed that line I was hoping to repeatedly kiss you from now on." Spencer lent down and resumed kissing you tenderly.

 


	6. Sluts like you (When geeks go bad)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Expect a very sexual very dominate Spencer here. You have to be taught a lesson.  
> Triggers may include language used, dominant male, domination, anal etc if anything a long those lines are an issue please don't read. Not fluff at all. Iffy consent wise?  
> Edit to add after reader comment trigger warning of rape.

Everyone was preparing to leave the dinner party at Rossi's. The food as usual exquisite, the wine free flowing and the company warm and inviting. It was safe to say everyone was at some level of merry. Then there was the stage you and Spencer found each other at. Steaming. Intoxicated. Hammered. Whatever term could be used for the pair of you, you were it. Penelope especially loved this new side to you, landing in a giggling heap with you as she tried to aid you in putting on your coat. A simple task ordinarily had become an amusing mission. Spencer took the ither route of drunk. Quiet, reserved, his eyes squinty as he swayed slightly.

"Hey, Spence," you placed a clumsy hand on his shoulder. "Share my taxi you live so close to me, split the bill?"

"A-a-allright." Spence stuttered in reply as you took his hand and dragged him outside.

The taxi journey a complete blur you had zero memory of. Complete black out of actions but some how you found yourself  
giggling and stumbling to Spencers. You fell down the stairs and land straight on him, well you had only made the first step before falling so it wasn't exactly a far fall.. You laughed as he proceeded to silently pulls you up the stairs. One at his door you are stood in the way, he reaches around you pressing against your body. You instinctively press into his crotch slightly with your ass.You apologise and giggle for such inappropriate behavior. He was your co worker after all

You walk (well stumble) into his apartment and he shut the door behind you. Suddenly you felt a hand grip your throat from behind. Spencer pulled you back against him so you were pressed into him, his pelvis pressed into your ass.

"You better be fucking sorry. I'll make you wish you hadn't done that. You use to being a little tease? Use to having no fall out from it? Leading guys on?" Spencer unsuspectingly spoke hot breath into your ear.

  
With his free hand he roughly pulled up your pencil skirt. His hand dived without warning straight down your panty hose causing you to let out a chocked gasp.

  
"No panties? Fucking slut," he spat.  
Without warning two of his fingers entered you deep as they could go. Roughly he thrusted them in an out as you gasped in shock. You struggled to breath and you were frozen in shock but your pussy was instantly wet.  
"Nice and fucking wet for me already Y/N."  
It spurred him on fucking you with his fingers with more force.

"I'm going to get you ready to take my cock you pretty little slut. You going to take it aren't you, no argument." With that hecstsrted scissoring his fingers in you widening your cunt.

He roughly pulled his hands out making your pussy ache to be filled again. Tilting your head back by grabbing your hair Spencer forced his fingers into your mouth and into your throat.

You gagged as you tasted yourself on him. In and out if your mouth his fingers went not caring about your noises of defiance.  
When he was bored of that he pulled your hair tighter in his fist then pushed you foreward.  
Unsure of whete you were going at first he aimed you towards the couch with some more harsh nudges.  
He shoved your head down causing you to bend over the arm rest presenting your ass and dripping cunt.  
Spencer didn't hesitate to pull up your skirt and rip down your panty hose. Impressively he undid his trousers with one hand. As you heard the zipping sound you shuddered in anticipation.Without warning he shoved his cock into your pussy. You were surprised how big he was as it stretched you and filled you. Instantly picking up a fast pace he thrusted deep into you, no build up he was relentless. Your cries  were muffled by your head being forced into the sofa.

  
"Told you you would be sorry but I think you are enjoying it to much bitch. Damn, should of used protection. I don't know what I'll catch from your filthy whore cunt. Do you like being fucked? Like being used? How man guys have taken a turn on you while you begged for more?" He spat into your hair in disgust.

"Cum..... guzzling....stupid...whore." Spencer thrusted hard with each word causing you to squeel loudly to his approval.

With no warning his hand came up and smacked your exposed ass. Impressed with the red hand print left Spencer slapped again and again. He ignored the stinging in his hands from the force. He grinned at the thought of you still sore sitting down come Monday.

Again and again his hands reigned down.  
When bored of that Spencer thought how else he could punish you. An idea came to him.

"Arghhhh" you shouted as a finger slid straight into your tight ass hole.

He thrusted his finger in and out in time with his cock. He felt a fresh pool of liquid in your pussy as you had both holes simultaneously entered.

He pulled out of your ass and pussy. He looked down and spat on your ass. He watched as it ran down your butt cheeks to your tight little ass hole. Using his fingers he collected your dripping juices and spread them in your ass.Spencer then lined his cock up with your asshole.

"Fucking ready? I know a slut like you will have done this before don't even bother trying to lie to me." You nodded slightly tears running down your face then before you knew it he had slid straight in.  
He looked down admiring the sight of his cock buried balls deep into your ass.

"So fucking tight time to loosen you up," he practically growled like an animal 

Unrelentingly he thrust time and time again. Your ass muscles loosening as you adjusted to the new sensation.Every so often he would reach down your blouse to grab your tit or nipple and squeeze. He enjoyed how you bucked and tightened each time.  
It didn't take long of using you and he was ready to cum. He pulled out of you and by your hair forced you to a kneeling position.

"Open your fucking mouth. Hungry? I got something for you." He stroked his big cock up and down then you saw it twitch as he erupted all over your face. It was warm as you felt in land in your mouth, over your eyes and in your hair.

"No what do you say to me Y/N?"

  
"I'm sorry?" You meekly managed to say.

"There's a good girl now let's go to bed." Yet again using your hair he dragged you into the bedroom.

You climbed into bed fully clothed next to Spence in shock of what happened.

You watched him as he instantly fell asleep post orgasm. You hadn't been satisfied however so decided to finish off. You started to rub your clit in circles. You let out a moan which disterbed the sleeping Dr Reid.

"Escuse me!" He said groggy. "Who said you could play with yourself. Fucking slut can't help herself. Right on your front I guess sluts like you never learn." Obediently you did as you were told a smile on your face not sure what to expect.

"Now lift that ass up in the air!" he shouted.

Pulling down your tights he admired your gleaming pussy. "You really hungry for more?"

Spencer brought himself to kneeling position behind you. One finger slid into that tight ass of yours while two ploughed into your dripping cunt. He pistined them in and out instantly. His other hand moved to your sensitive bundle of nerves roughly rubbing. Crying out in a mixture of pain and pleasure. You grabbed the pillows as waves of pleasure washed over you.

"Cum for me you fucking whore. I know you want to so fucking do it, now!"

On demand your pussy contracted around his fingers the minute he gave the order 'now.' Liquids gushed as you felt yourself squirt for the first time in your life. Your face blushed red with the embarrassment but Spencer simple laughed. 

"Now go the fuck to sleep. Actually wait." Spencer dug around in the beside table producing a pair of handcuffs.

You rolled onto your back awaiting orders. He roughly hand cuffed one hand to the bed.

"You see y/n,this way in the night I can teach you a lesson again if the need arises. No going looking for other cock you slut. I can still fuck that pretty mouth, cunt or ass if I want. No running away." Spencer slapped your left exposed cunt connecting with your clit. You shouted out in surpise.

"Shut the fuck up bitch. Now who fucking owns your body?"

"Y-YYouu," you stammered in response.

"That's right. Now let me get some god damn sleep. Your so hungry for cock no waking me in the night " with that he climbed into bed to sleep once again.

Spebcer left you awake staring at the ceiling, a mixture of shame and desire leaving you confused about what had just happened. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never written something like this before! 
> 
> Its so out of character but who's to say what Spencer's blind drunk side is like.
> 
> Also I'm going to hell for sure.


	7. I'm just not dateable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At a work picnic you and Spencer are the only single ones there. You are convinced you are undatable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so yes I've changed a little bit of canon storyline. Garcia is pregnant.

You arrived at the park with a bag full of food and a tartan print blanket. The sun was warm, the air mild and the birds were chirping. It was a wonder spring day. You breathed in deep taking in the aroma of the flowers.

You made your way to the laughing, happy group of people who had claimed a space. You smiled seeing all the children and some of the adults playing about. Everyone was chasing a ball about enthusiastic shouts whenever someone gained control of the ball. You spied JJ blowing bubbles with her youngest son watching enthralled. Morgan and his beautiful partner watched their sin from a blanket next to JJ. 

A shock of pink grabbed your attention and you realised instantly it was Garcia. She dressed to show off her new assest not diminish it. She rubbed her now very large belly and waddled towards a table laid out with picnic food. You let out a sigh. It wasn't that you weren't happy for her, you really were. But Garcia and you had always been the ones to turn up to each others worh bottles of wine and tales of misfortune in love. Given the job role you often never even made it to the dating stage neber mind relationship level. Garcia was here settling down and leaving you alone with that bottle of wine now. In fact as far as you were aware you were the only one at this picnic without a date. That was until you spotted the only other chronicly single person there. Under a tree avoiding the sun nose buried in a book was Spencer Reid. He was cute, but you understood the pressures of the job so didn't ever give him hassle about "when did you last go on a date" that the others gave the both of you. You could relate to him in that aspect.

Spencer didn't even look up as you made your way up over and placed your blanket next to his on the ground. 

"Hey y/n." 

"How did you know it was me? Your face is so deep in that book, good read?" you replied.

"Your perfume. I could smell it and you are the only person I know to wear it." Spencer put the book down to look at you. "And yes a very intriguing book regarding motives of various serial killers around the world."

"Oh I hope not a bad smell!"

"No it is a very pleasant vanilla based perfume I now associate with you."

"Thanks, my aunt bought it for me years ago and I guess I kept buying it out if habit."

"Oh, not a boyfriend then?" Spencer cocked an eyebrow as you laughed in response.

"I'm sorry, just, when have you know me to have a boyfriend."

"I apologise y/n. Some people like to keep their love life private so have always respected that and not pressed you."

"No, no secret romance just a complete lack of it."

"Well I am sorry to hear that I assumed there was boyfriends and am surpised also."

"Face it Spence. I'm not just dateable. I'm undateable. I'm the queen of lonely boxset or Netflix marathon sessions. Watch an entire show in a day and have no need to leave my bed or couch. Never mind get dressed." You sighed.

"I don't think that's true. I think you are perfectly adequate to date." Spence looked at you with sympathy.

You burst out laughing.

"I'm adequate eh? Great, nice one Spence. I'm so adequate the men are lining up to wine and date me." You laughed while pitying yourself.

"I'm sorry perhaps I didn't word that correctly. I don't see any reason why a guy wouldn't want to date you." Spencer tried to reassure you again.

"Tell them that since your apparently converted already."

"I have an idea Y/N. What about we go on a date and I'll show you just how you dateable you are." Spencer looked at you his eyes looking deeply into yours.

"Oh Spence you don't have to do that. I won't subject you to a pity date." You lightly tapped his leg twice with your hand then placed it back into your lap.

"No, Y/N. I want to. It's not like I have a hectic schedule of women to juggle. It would be a pleasure to have your company for an evening." Reid sounded genuine in his tone.

"Okay then, when would you like to go on said date? I'll hold you to it. No backing out." You laughed showing you were joking.

Spencer jumped up to his feet. His long arm came down and grabbed your hand. Dr Reid was surprisingly strong and pulled you up to your feet on the blanket.

"How about now? Let's do our date now. We are in a beautiful park with food and drink. Let's go for a walk and pretend we aren't with work friends and colleagues." Spencer sound so enthusiastic.

"Oh wow okay. I'll just scare you off sooner than I thought then. Fine let's do it." You let him drag you off away from the laughing and joking of everyone. You let him guide you to the path that meandered through the park where he held your hand the entire walk.

After that blissful afternoon Spencer Reid hardly ever left your side. He would take hold of your hand at every opportunity telling you often that now he had you, he didn't want to let go. The undateable went to dateable and much more in one minute of conversation.

**Author's Note:**

> I have zero medical knowledge btw. I might have gotten everything wrong.


End file.
